Thursday, December 5, 1996
SEX:
Depth, scope of act can lead to so much more intimately,
emotionallyBy Eric Stump
My initial reaction after reading Leah Green’s Nov. 27 piece in
Viewpoint ("Random Macks of Kindness") was probably the same as
most of the males who read it. "Is that a chick saying all that
stuff about getting laid? All right!" As I was dialing the phone to
call the Daily Bruin for Leah’s phone number, something else came
to me. At the risk of sounding too "Little House on the Prairie," I
must present an alternative to her life of one-night-stands.
I can’t help but believe that Leah is missing out on some of the
more intense moments that sex has to offer. Please understand that,
while my take on this might be less exciting to some than Leah’s,
I’m not a "no sex before marriage" person. In fact, I think that is
nuts for the very reason that I’m about to mention. Since my first
time at age 15, I’ve done it as often as the female sex would let
me. Not a day goes by that I don’t try to get it on some level,
even if it’s just sending a predatory look to the checkout girl at
Thrifty’s. Still, most of my sexual experiences have culminated in
relationships. That’s when you get it the most, but your friends
just don’t think it’s cool anymore.
I once had a swinger friend of mine berate me for nailing fewer
women than him. I challenged him to compare notes with me as to how
many days of his life since age 15 included sex. Suddenly my
long-term relationships looked pretty good, even to him. He hasn’t
bugged me since. On the other hand, I have not accomplished the
wide array of one-nighters as Free-Leah (I’m still looking up the
word "Mack." I’ll get back to you). In fact, I’ve had only one. All
I remember about it was an angst-riddled preoccupation with getting
the choreography right. Talk about performance anxiety! I honestly
don’t remember if I enjoyed it or not. Regardless, I lack the
qualifications to criticize Leah’s lifestyle. I can only give you a
glimpse of sex in my world, and offer an alternative.
Leah made it clear that her aim in these situations is to have a
forgettable experience. Can’t say I’ve ever had one of those. Don’t
get me wrong, the orgasm is great, but I learned even before 15
that I didn’t need a girl for that. Once the other human being is
there with me, though, sex is a truly mind-blowing experience. It
is a kiss, a touch, a smell, a taste. I am always in awe when I’m
with a girl, her soft skin, her expression, the way her hair falls
over her face. I obsessed over the right thigh of one girl. Another
one got me crazy with the back of her neck (Feet never do much for
me, but that’s a subject for another time).
There’s a movie out called "The English Patient" that I
recommend to Leah. In one scene, two lovers lay naked together
after sex. The male (Ralph Fiennes) puts his finger over the
indentation at the base of his lover’s neck and says something
like, "I claim this as mine!" The claim of ownership suggests a bit
more emotional attachment than I want to discuss here, but the
overriding moment was captured. Sex can gratify more than your
genitals.
Now I’m sure Leah would say that she can do all that, too. A
one-nighter is what it is. When it’s special it’s something
different. I just don’t buy that. I believe that she is taking a
powerful thing and demeaning it. She is building up a slow
resistance to the fullness of sex. If you eat fast food your whole
life, do you really experience fine dining the way others do? Can a
person spend his or her life listening to cheesy nightclub music
and then claim to fully appreciate Vivaldi when they hear it? I
have several intelligent friends who can’t sit still with me
through some of the greatest movies ever made because they’ve been
programmed for the instant gratification that Hollywood offers. How
is Leah so different?
Leah might also say that my argument comes down to a simple
point: Sex is best when love is involved. Please don’t think I mean
only that! What a cliche! I’m sure it’s probably true, but if I
waited to fall in love every time I had sex, I’d be awfully
lonely.
I wish I could say I loved each of the people I referred to
earlier, but I didn’t. I loved the moment. I loved what we shared.
I can say that they were more than strangers, and were usually
pretty good friends. I can also say for sure that we had a great
time. I’m glad Leah is having a good time in college, but she might
not know what she’s missing. Sex is only a shallow experience if
that’s what you make of it. Believe me  it can be so much
more.
Please understand that … I’m not a "no sex before marriage"
person.