Ready for a spring quarter etiquette lesson?
By Alexander Zwick
Now that spring quarter is just beginning, students and
teachers, let’s take a look at your behavior in lecture.
First of all, a lot of you don’t understand the concept of a
lecture. It’s not social time. It’s a time to learn.
Sure, I’ll give you the "hellos," "goodbyes" and maybe even the
"What an awful lay I had last night." But keep the conversation
before the lecture starts or save it until after. If you want to
talk, you don’t want to learn. If you don’t want to learn, nobody’s
demanding that you show up and prevent the guy nearby from hearing
the professor speak.
So in summary, shut up or don’t come.
Then there’s the problem of having the guy behind you kicking
your seat. What are we, 6-year-olds in an airplane? It’s hard
enough to know what the hell some of these professors are talking
about without someone’s Nike lodged in your rectum.
How about the armrest problem? Some of you must have missed that
point in life where the rest of us learned about personal space.
Obviously, the armrest with your desk attached is all yours. The
one with my desk is mine. The other is off-limits. Imagine there’s
a wall between the chairs. Keep your stupid elbow off my armrest
and on your leg. Is that so difficult?
Keeping with the issue of personal turf, another problem I have
with some of you is your failure to know the SASWYCDA principle, or
Skip A Space When You Can, Dumb Ass.
If the occupancy number permits, don’t huddle right up to
someone when you don’t need to. Obviously, sometimes there really
aren’t enough seats (i.e. midterm/final/first day) and then of
course there’s no helping it. But the rest of the time, I’d rather
not have your greasy head on my shoulder as I try to take
notes.
Which reminds me: Let’s talk about some personal hygiene. If
you’re going to come to class, you should at least have the decency
not to pollute the air.
Some guy came into one of my classes, and as he sat near me a
wave of fecal-scented air brought tears to my eyes. So, if you
don’t know what a shower is, at least wear some deodorant or
perfume, anything.
Also having to do with hygiene is the coughing/sneezing problem.
It’s no fun hearing someone cough behind you and then discovering a
slightly moist wind fanning the back of your neck. Nor is it any
picnic to see your neighbor sneeze and not cover himself and rather
just let his viral particles make a smooth landing on your
face.
Yet other students aren’t the only ones who deal with rudeness
in lectures. Professors do as well.
There are always quite a few students who feel the need to raise
their hands in the middle of the lecture and demand to know what
the professor wrote on the board. Seems quite harmless.
The problem is, often, the professor reads aloud while he’s
writing down his words. So, if you want to know what it says,
listen to the lecture, sit closer to the board or wear glasses!
I beg each and every one of you to grow up and realize that
contrary to what you think, you’re not the greatest human being on
Earth. Have a little compassion and stop being so selfish. If not,
please leave.
Zwick is a freshman majoring in economics/business.